This is a very difficult question to answer and we can only really give you some general advice. To be more confident that you have found the cause of the problem you really need to go and see your own doctor about this so that they can carry out a physical examination.
First of all, it could be a nervous habit, as your wife suggests and it may be that other members of your family have the same habit. Constantly straining, as you put it, to clear your throat will cause the throat to become inflamed and sore - and one result of this is that the secretions are increased. It could be a cycle of throat clearing, more mucus, more throat clearing.
But, there could also be some underlying problem in the throat. Throat polyps are very common and are found on the vocal cords. Clearing the throat very strenuously can irritate the vocal cords and polyps can form, which then add to the sensation of needing to clear the throat.
This is something that you doctor could check out very easily by looking at your throat with an endoscope.
It is also possible that you have a post nasal drip. This is where you have a problem more in your nose, maybe a chronic sinusitis. Mucus drips down the back of the nose into the throat and causes phlegm to build up, which then causes you to need to clear your throat. This is something else that your doctor could check out.
With regard to cow's milk, it is relatively common for people to have lactose intolerance, which is an allergy to the sugar in cow's milk. However, although food allergies can cause the throat to swell, lactose intolerance usually causes other symptoms such as abdominal pain, bloating and diarrhoea. If you don't suffer from any of these, it seems unlikely that you have a problem with cow's milk. However, this theory is easy to test - if you avoid cow's milk for a period of time - say three weeks - and monitor each day how your throat is, you should get a good idea whether cow's milk may be contributing.
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